Many of us know the African proverb that truthfully declares, "It takes a village to raise a child." Helping children become successful and healthy adults is a huge job that is way too big for one or two people!
HTE has a long history of having a school-wide mentoring program (HEROES). In addition, Rockdale County Public Schools has a community wide mentoring program that is always looking for interested adults who want to play and important role in the life of a child.
HEROES (Hightower Elementary Reaches Out to Every Student) is a program where all the faculty and staff develop a relationship with one or more students in order to encourage them and be another caring adult in their life. The program is kicked off each year in September or early October.
If you would like to nominate your child for HEROES see Ms. Perry. If you or someone from your community or neighborhood is interested in volunteering as a mentor or helper for special lunches & events, please contact Ms. Perry via email, in person or phone (770-388-0751).
Monday, July 27, 2009
Bullying on the Web
Bullying is a common concern for parents, students and educators at all levels. It takes all of us to prevent it from happening and to respond effectively when it does. If you have any concerns at all about your child bullying others, witnessing bullying of others, or BEING bullied by others, please speak with their teacher, school counselor or principal immediately. We are here to help.
Here are some resources I've found on the web:
American School Counselor Association
"The Buzz on Bullying"
http://www.schoolcounselor.org/content.asp?contentid=282
Stop Bullying Now - for parents as well as students
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/adults/parents-and-family/default.aspx
Here are some resources I've found on the web:
American School Counselor Association
"The Buzz on Bullying"
http://www.schoolcounselor.org/content.asp?contentid=282
Stop Bullying Now - for parents as well as students
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/adults/parents-and-family/default.aspx
The Center for Children of Incarcerated Parents
CCIP Client Publications
http://e-ccip.org/services.html#Client_publications
The Center for Children of Incarcerated Parents offers a variety of original publications for clients. These items are available through the CCIP Clearinghouse and include:
· Information for Families, a CCIP brochure
· The Booklist for Children of Prisoners
· The CCIP Family Contracts Package
· What About the Kids? An Information Sheet for Arrested Parents
· Selecting a Temporary Caregiver for Your Child
· When Incarcerated Parents Lose Contract with Their Children
These items are available free to clients by mail. For more information, you may write or email the Center at:
The Center for Children of Incarcerated Parents
P.O. Box 41-286
Eagle Rock, California 90041
Email: ccip@earthlink.net
The Clearinghouse Project
The CCIP Clearinghouse maintains a collection of over 3500 documentary and audiovisual items relating to families in the criminal justice system.
The Clearinghouse offers two catalogs: one for incarcerated parents and their families, who may receive ordered items free of charge, and one for all other users who are charged the cost of shipping and handling. The Clearinghouse catalogs list items written and published by CCIP, as well as items from the popular, scholarly and program literatures.
For more information on the Clearinghouse Project, visit http://e-ccip.org/services.html#Client_publications
http://e-ccip.org/services.html#Client_publications
The Center for Children of Incarcerated Parents offers a variety of original publications for clients. These items are available through the CCIP Clearinghouse and include:
· Information for Families, a CCIP brochure
· The Booklist for Children of Prisoners
· The CCIP Family Contracts Package
· What About the Kids? An Information Sheet for Arrested Parents
· Selecting a Temporary Caregiver for Your Child
· When Incarcerated Parents Lose Contract with Their Children
These items are available free to clients by mail. For more information, you may write or email the Center at:
The Center for Children of Incarcerated Parents
P.O. Box 41-286
Eagle Rock, California 90041
Email: ccip@earthlink.net
The Clearinghouse Project
The CCIP Clearinghouse maintains a collection of over 3500 documentary and audiovisual items relating to families in the criminal justice system.
The Clearinghouse offers two catalogs: one for incarcerated parents and their families, who may receive ordered items free of charge, and one for all other users who are charged the cost of shipping and handling. The Clearinghouse catalogs list items written and published by CCIP, as well as items from the popular, scholarly and program literatures.
For more information on the Clearinghouse Project, visit http://e-ccip.org/services.html#Client_publications
What do School Counselors do all day?
Some folks are surprised to learn elementary schools have a need for counselors. I also talk to MANY adults (and sometimes students) who barely remember their school counselor, if at all. The school counseling profession is going through an exciting transformation right now so that counselors are doing less administrative paperwork and are focused on developing school wide programs to benefit ALL students (rather than just a few). We are fortunate in Rockdale County to have the overwhelming support of Dr. King, The Board of Education and District Office in giving the counselor's role a much needed "face lift." I have also been extremely grateful for the support of our principal, Ms. Laura Bates as I develop a school counseling program that aligns with national standards of excellence. I admire her strong passion for students. She has been instrumental in making sure the HTE's school counseling program reaches all students and helps support their academic and personal success.
The Role of The School Counselor
by the American School Counselor Association
Professional school counselors are certified/licensed educators with a minimum of a master’s degree in school counseling making them uniquely qualified to address all students’ academic, personal/social and career development needs by designing, implementing, evaluating and enhancing a comprehensive school counseling program that promotes and enhances student success. Professional school counselors are employed in elementary, middle/junior high and high schools; in district supervisory positions; and counselor education positions.
Professional school counselors serve a vital role in maximizing student success (Lapan, Gysbers, & Kayson, 2007; Stone & Dahir, 2006). Through leadership, advocacy and collaboration, professional school counselors promote equity and access to rigorous educational experiences for all students. Professional school counselors support a safe learning environment and work to safeguard the human rights of all members of the school community (Sandhu, 2000), and address the needs of all students through culturally relevant prevention and intervention programs that are a part of a comprehensive school counseling program (Lee, 2001). The American School Counselor Association recommends a counselor-to-student ratio of 1:250.
For more information on how school counselors can help you and your children, visit the Parent section of www.schoolcounselor.org
The Role of The School Counselor
by the American School Counselor Association
Professional school counselors are certified/licensed educators with a minimum of a master’s degree in school counseling making them uniquely qualified to address all students’ academic, personal/social and career development needs by designing, implementing, evaluating and enhancing a comprehensive school counseling program that promotes and enhances student success. Professional school counselors are employed in elementary, middle/junior high and high schools; in district supervisory positions; and counselor education positions.
Professional school counselors serve a vital role in maximizing student success (Lapan, Gysbers, & Kayson, 2007; Stone & Dahir, 2006). Through leadership, advocacy and collaboration, professional school counselors promote equity and access to rigorous educational experiences for all students. Professional school counselors support a safe learning environment and work to safeguard the human rights of all members of the school community (Sandhu, 2000), and address the needs of all students through culturally relevant prevention and intervention programs that are a part of a comprehensive school counseling program (Lee, 2001). The American School Counselor Association recommends a counselor-to-student ratio of 1:250.
For more information on how school counselors can help you and your children, visit the Parent section of www.schoolcounselor.org
It's a New Year!
Back-to-School Tips
1. Label EVERYTHING. You would be amazed at the supplies and clothes that go unclaimed and are donated simply because they don't have a name and are not picked up from Lost & Found in the front office or gym. Masking tape, luggage tags or simple a index card & safety pin are great for this if you don't want to use a permanent marker.
2. Introduce yourself to your child's teacher. Give them your phone number and email. HTE Teachers use email frequently and that is often the quickest way to reach them.
3. Meet or call the parents of students in your child's class. It is great to know folks who could help if a homework assignment is forgotten! It is also important, for ALL parents of elementary, middle & HIGH school students, to know the contact information for the parents of their kid's friends.
4. Make sure your child knows how they are going home and WRITE IT DOWN for the teacher. At Hightower, information about how a child is to go home must be in writing. For safety reasons, we do not go by what a child tells us, as there are often misunderstandings between parent and child.
5. Have lunch with your child. Even older students love to eat lunch from home or a fast food place in our newly restored HTE Courtyard!
6. Ask for, read and sign your child's agenda (Kindergarten students have a folder). Make sure their homework is complete and in their book bag the night before. Expect students to have their assignments written down. Reward and punish as needed. :-)
7. Meet or contact the School Counselor. The start of the year is a great time to seek out my help to ensure that your child's school year begins well (whether they are new to HTE or not). By communicating with one another at the beginning, middle, and end of the school year, parents and counselors can have a definite impact on a child’s success.
For more information on how your school counselor can help you at the start of the school year, click below.
Back-to-School Tips from ASCA
Goal Setting Guide
Goal Setting isn't just for adults and students doing Accelerated Reader! We all have goals of many shapes and sizes, be it learn to write in cursive, go onto the next grade, make a 100 on a test, or increase the money in our retirement account.
Students of all ages set goals and are learning how to reach them. The form below is a tool you can use to help guide the process. The most important part, I think, is making sure the goal is specific and achievable. I often tell parents and teachers, goals like "lose 50 pounds" or "run 5 miles" can be so big they become unrealistic. The same applies to academics. "Get an A in Math" might be overwhelming to students, so it is important to help students break that large task into small steps. A better goal might be to "study math facts 15 minutes each day" or "turn in Math homework."
Here are two visuals that may help:
1. The image of a ladder helps many students. Write the goal at the top of a ladder with 3 or 4 steps. Even though this picture is with a train, you can see how to break down a large task into small steps. Click here to see an example.
2. This handout asks questions to help guide students through the process. The task of adults is to make sure the steps/actions/strategies are specific (who, what, when, where, how) AND realistic. You could print this or simply have a student write it in a notebook.
TIP: You can enlarge this image by clicking on it (it will be much easier on the eyes)!!
Development Stages in a Child's Understanding of Death or Loss
by Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW
Ages 3 to 6:
At this stage a child sees things as reversible and temporary. They may believe in "magical thinking" and that their thoughts can cause things to happen. This can work in either direction causing them to blame themselves unnecessarily or believe if they are "good" enough perhaps their parent will return. Often, children will exhibit nightmares, confusion, revert to an earlier stage of development or even seem to be unaffected by the death.
Ages 7 to 8:
Here a child will begin to see death as final. They may have lost an animal at this point but they usually don't think about it as happening to them. They see it more as something that may occur in an accident, like a car accident or only in old age. They may show an unusual interest in knowing the details surrounding death, begin asking what happens after death, or again act as if nothing has happened. Social development is occurring during this stage so they'll watch how others respond and may even want to know how they should act.
Ages 9 and up:
By now the child understands that death is final and irreversible. They not only know it could happen to someone else but also to themselves. They may exhibit a wide range of feelings including: shock, denial, anxiety and fear, anger, depression even withdrawal. Their reactions begin to be much more like an adult except they may act out their grief by behavioral changes at home or school.
Source: Karen Gannon Griffith, GSCA Fall Conference 2006
Ages 3 to 6:
At this stage a child sees things as reversible and temporary. They may believe in "magical thinking" and that their thoughts can cause things to happen. This can work in either direction causing them to blame themselves unnecessarily or believe if they are "good" enough perhaps their parent will return. Often, children will exhibit nightmares, confusion, revert to an earlier stage of development or even seem to be unaffected by the death.
Ages 7 to 8:
Here a child will begin to see death as final. They may have lost an animal at this point but they usually don't think about it as happening to them. They see it more as something that may occur in an accident, like a car accident or only in old age. They may show an unusual interest in knowing the details surrounding death, begin asking what happens after death, or again act as if nothing has happened. Social development is occurring during this stage so they'll watch how others respond and may even want to know how they should act.
Ages 9 and up:
By now the child understands that death is final and irreversible. They not only know it could happen to someone else but also to themselves. They may exhibit a wide range of feelings including: shock, denial, anxiety and fear, anger, depression even withdrawal. Their reactions begin to be much more like an adult except they may act out their grief by behavioral changes at home or school.
Source: Karen Gannon Griffith, GSCA Fall Conference 2006
Death & Grief: Tips for Parents
Put your oxygen mask on first!
➢ Ponder your own feelings about your mortality
➢ Examine your own issues, beliefs
➢ Consider how you deal with grief or intense emotions
Telling a child that a loved one has died
➢ Consider these questions:
• What is the age and maturity level of the child?
• Does the child understand the meaning of the words died and dead?
• Has the child experienced a death prior to now (pet, grandparent, classmate, friend, parent, teacher)?
• How was the child related to the deceased? How well did they know each other?
• What are the family’s religious beliefs about death?
• What were the circumstances surrounding the death?
• What is the child’s usual pattern of coping?
Establish rapport
➢ Open communication
➢ Be sensitive to child’s readiness to communicate
➢ Avoid any barriers which may inhibit the child’s attempt to communicate
What do you say?
➢ Answer truthfully and completely (but don't share traumatic details)
➢ Answer only what is being asked
➢ Ask questions to check for understanding
➢ Keep your answers short and simple
Avoid euphemisms and confusing explanations of death
➢ Use simple terms
➢ Euphemisms tend to confuse rather than comfort
➢ Avoid making statements that will have to be retracted later
➢ Be careful with religious phrases
What do you do?
➢ Ok for the children to see you upset
➢ Encourage the expression of feelings
➢ Accept the feelings and reactions expressed by the child
Provide reassurance
➢ Be specific about rarity of death
➢ Talk about the “what ifs”
➢ May go through some fear of death and/or separation anxiety
Integrate personal religious beliefs into the explanations
Remember you will have to revisit/repeat this conversation often
➢ It takes at least 6 months for most children to work their way through the grieving process
Help the child complete the tasks of grieving
➢ Celebrate and remember the relationship
➢ Commemorate the relationship
The basic tasks of grieving are:
• Understanding
• Grieving
• Commemorating
Successful grieving helps person to:
• Accept the reality of the loss
• Experience the pain of grief
• Adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing
• Withdraw emotional energy and reinvest it in another relationship
Source: Karen Gannon Griffith, GSCA Fall Conference 2006
➢ Ponder your own feelings about your mortality
➢ Examine your own issues, beliefs
➢ Consider how you deal with grief or intense emotions
Telling a child that a loved one has died
➢ Consider these questions:
• What is the age and maturity level of the child?
• Does the child understand the meaning of the words died and dead?
• Has the child experienced a death prior to now (pet, grandparent, classmate, friend, parent, teacher)?
• How was the child related to the deceased? How well did they know each other?
• What are the family’s religious beliefs about death?
• What were the circumstances surrounding the death?
• What is the child’s usual pattern of coping?
Establish rapport
➢ Open communication
➢ Be sensitive to child’s readiness to communicate
➢ Avoid any barriers which may inhibit the child’s attempt to communicate
What do you say?
➢ Answer truthfully and completely (but don't share traumatic details)
➢ Answer only what is being asked
➢ Ask questions to check for understanding
➢ Keep your answers short and simple
Avoid euphemisms and confusing explanations of death
➢ Use simple terms
➢ Euphemisms tend to confuse rather than comfort
➢ Avoid making statements that will have to be retracted later
➢ Be careful with religious phrases
What do you do?
➢ Ok for the children to see you upset
➢ Encourage the expression of feelings
➢ Accept the feelings and reactions expressed by the child
Provide reassurance
➢ Be specific about rarity of death
➢ Talk about the “what ifs”
➢ May go through some fear of death and/or separation anxiety
Integrate personal religious beliefs into the explanations
Remember you will have to revisit/repeat this conversation often
➢ It takes at least 6 months for most children to work their way through the grieving process
Help the child complete the tasks of grieving
➢ Celebrate and remember the relationship
➢ Commemorate the relationship
The basic tasks of grieving are:
• Understanding
• Grieving
• Commemorating
Successful grieving helps person to:
• Accept the reality of the loss
• Experience the pain of grief
• Adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing
• Withdraw emotional energy and reinvest it in another relationship
Source: Karen Gannon Griffith, GSCA Fall Conference 2006
Funerals & Children
Can or should children attend a funeral? As adults, the challenge is often to share enough information regarding death without saying too MUCH or too LITTLE. Children naturally begin to understand death as toddlers and youngsters (pets, insects, etc.). Every situation is different, but children can benefit from attending a funeral. Nothing replaces the judgment of a parent/guardian because you know your child the best, but I would encourage parents to think about how to teach children about death in a healthy, age appropriate way. Death is a natural part of life and we aren't helping children by sheltering them from it. We can find ways to be honest with them without sharing details that would be traumatic to them. I'm always happy to talk with parents about how to approach this subject with children of all ages.
Karen Gannon Griffith shared the below information in a seminar she led at the GSCA Fall Conference 2006.
Can Children Attend a Funeral?
If a child can attend a wedding, then can attend a funeral
➢ Is child old enough to sit quietly for that length of time?
➢ Is child old enough not to disrupt the ceremony?
➢ Is child old enough to let adults do what they have to do?
It can be a helpful experience
➢ Closure
➢ Learning experience
➢ Part of life
Educate and explain before you go
➢ It is a ceremony that happens when someone dies.
➢ What might they see?
➢ Where/when will it take place?
➢ What kind of clothing is appropriate?
➢ It is OK to cry – in fact, many might be crying
➢ What will happen after the ceremony?
Karen Gannon Griffith shared the below information in a seminar she led at the GSCA Fall Conference 2006.
Can Children Attend a Funeral?
If a child can attend a wedding, then can attend a funeral
➢ Is child old enough to sit quietly for that length of time?
➢ Is child old enough not to disrupt the ceremony?
➢ Is child old enough to let adults do what they have to do?
It can be a helpful experience
➢ Closure
➢ Learning experience
➢ Part of life
Educate and explain before you go
➢ It is a ceremony that happens when someone dies.
➢ What might they see?
➢ Where/when will it take place?
➢ What kind of clothing is appropriate?
➢ It is OK to cry – in fact, many might be crying
➢ What will happen after the ceremony?
Children's Understanding of Divorce by Karen Gannon Griffith
Preschoolers and Early Elementary
Understandings
+ Preschoolers recognize that one parent no longer lives at home
+ Elementary school children begin to understand that divorce means their parents will no longer be married and live together, and that their parents no longer love each other
Feelings
+ Will likely blame themselves for the divorce
+ May worry about the changes in their daily lives
+ Have more nightmares
+ May exhibit signs of sadness and grieving because of the absence of one parent
+ Preschoolers may be aggressive and angry toward the parent they “blame”
+ Because preschoolers struggle with the difference between fantasy and reality, children may have rich fantasies about parents getting back together
What Parents Can Do
+ Repeatedly tell children that they are not responsible for the divorce
+ Reassure children of how their needs will be met and of who will take care of them
+ Talk with children about their thoughts and feelings; be sensitive to children’s fears
+ Plan a schedule for time for children to spend with their other parent. Be supportive of children’s ongoing relations with the other parent.
+ Read books together about children and divorce
+ Gently, and matter-of-factly, remind children that the divorce is final and that parents will not get back together again.
Preteens & Adolescents
Understandings
~ Understand what divorce means but may have difficulty accepting the reality of the changes it brings to the family
~ Although thinking at a more complex level, still may blame themselves for the divorce
Feelings
~ May feel abandoned by the parent who moves out of the house
~ May withdraw from long-time friends and favorite activities.
~ May act out in uncharacteristic ways
~ May feel angry and unsure about their own beliefs concerning love, marriage, and family
~ May experience a sense of growing up too soon
~ May start to worry about “adult matters,” such as the family’s financial security
~ May feel obligated to take on more adult responsibilities in the family
What Parents Can Do
~ Maintain open lines of communication with children; reassure children of your love and continued involvement in their lives
~ Whenever possible, both parents need to stay involved in children’s lives, know children’s friends, what they do together, and keep up with children’s progress at school and in other activities
~ Honor family rituals and routines
~ If you need to increase children’s household responsibilities, assign chores and tasks that are age-appropriate; show appreciation for children’s contributions
~ Avoid using teenage children as confidants; plan special time for yourself with adult friends and family members
~ Tell children who will be attending special occasions, especially if you plan to take a new romantic partner
Understandings
+ Preschoolers recognize that one parent no longer lives at home
+ Elementary school children begin to understand that divorce means their parents will no longer be married and live together, and that their parents no longer love each other
Feelings
+ Will likely blame themselves for the divorce
+ May worry about the changes in their daily lives
+ Have more nightmares
+ May exhibit signs of sadness and grieving because of the absence of one parent
+ Preschoolers may be aggressive and angry toward the parent they “blame”
+ Because preschoolers struggle with the difference between fantasy and reality, children may have rich fantasies about parents getting back together
What Parents Can Do
+ Repeatedly tell children that they are not responsible for the divorce
+ Reassure children of how their needs will be met and of who will take care of them
+ Talk with children about their thoughts and feelings; be sensitive to children’s fears
+ Plan a schedule for time for children to spend with their other parent. Be supportive of children’s ongoing relations with the other parent.
+ Read books together about children and divorce
+ Gently, and matter-of-factly, remind children that the divorce is final and that parents will not get back together again.
Preteens & Adolescents
Understandings
~ Understand what divorce means but may have difficulty accepting the reality of the changes it brings to the family
~ Although thinking at a more complex level, still may blame themselves for the divorce
Feelings
~ May feel abandoned by the parent who moves out of the house
~ May withdraw from long-time friends and favorite activities.
~ May act out in uncharacteristic ways
~ May feel angry and unsure about their own beliefs concerning love, marriage, and family
~ May experience a sense of growing up too soon
~ May start to worry about “adult matters,” such as the family’s financial security
~ May feel obligated to take on more adult responsibilities in the family
What Parents Can Do
~ Maintain open lines of communication with children; reassure children of your love and continued involvement in their lives
~ Whenever possible, both parents need to stay involved in children’s lives, know children’s friends, what they do together, and keep up with children’s progress at school and in other activities
~ Honor family rituals and routines
~ If you need to increase children’s household responsibilities, assign chores and tasks that are age-appropriate; show appreciation for children’s contributions
~ Avoid using teenage children as confidants; plan special time for yourself with adult friends and family members
~ Tell children who will be attending special occasions, especially if you plan to take a new romantic partner
Helping Children Understand Divorce by Karen Gannon Griffith
HELPING CHILDREN UNDERSTAND DIVORCE
When parents decide to divorce, children need to know. The manner in which parents inform children of the divorce impacts the reaction of the children. It is important for parents to think carefully about how and what the children will be told. Divorce is an event which is traumatic to the children. It is worth the extra time and thought necessary to present it well to the children.
SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS IN DIVORCED FAMILIES
After a divorce, brothers and sisters may begin to interact differently. Some siblings become closer, while others may argue more and become emotionally distant. As parents become more focused on their own needs, the amount of attention given to the children may lessen. Some children respond by engaging in more conflict because they are competing for their parents’ attention. Other children engage in more conflict due to their own confusion and anger, venting those feelings on siblings. Still others turn to each other for emotional support.
Parents can help by:
• Talking with the children
• Listening to the children
• Spending time with each child individually
Remember that younger children are often better able to express their feelings. Be sure to talk with older siblings, even if they do not appear upset.
HOW TO TELL THE CHILDREN
When possible, the entire family should meet together so that both parents can answer children’s questions.
Set aside time to meet as a family.
Plan ahead of time what to tell the children.
Stay calm.
Plan to meet again.
WHAT TO TELL THE CHILDREN
• Do not give out too much information at once.
• Limit initial discussions to the most important and most immediate issues:
• Tell them their basic needs will be met – meals, help with homework, tucking them in at night
• Tell them their relationship with both parents will continue (if this is true).
• When there are going to be several changes, emphasize what will stay the same.
• Give reassurance with words and actions that parental love will continue even though there will be changes in family routine.
• Emphasize that the divorce is final – avoid giving false hopes of reconciliation.
• Emphasize that the divorce is not the fault of the children. The reassurance will need to be repeated over time.
• Ask the children about their fears and worries.
• Listen to the fears and worries of the children – really listen!
• Acknowledge the impact of the divorce on the children’s lives.
When parents decide to divorce, children need to know. The manner in which parents inform children of the divorce impacts the reaction of the children. It is important for parents to think carefully about how and what the children will be told. Divorce is an event which is traumatic to the children. It is worth the extra time and thought necessary to present it well to the children.
SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS IN DIVORCED FAMILIES
After a divorce, brothers and sisters may begin to interact differently. Some siblings become closer, while others may argue more and become emotionally distant. As parents become more focused on their own needs, the amount of attention given to the children may lessen. Some children respond by engaging in more conflict because they are competing for their parents’ attention. Other children engage in more conflict due to their own confusion and anger, venting those feelings on siblings. Still others turn to each other for emotional support.
Parents can help by:
• Talking with the children
• Listening to the children
• Spending time with each child individually
Remember that younger children are often better able to express their feelings. Be sure to talk with older siblings, even if they do not appear upset.
HOW TO TELL THE CHILDREN
When possible, the entire family should meet together so that both parents can answer children’s questions.
Set aside time to meet as a family.
Plan ahead of time what to tell the children.
Stay calm.
Plan to meet again.
WHAT TO TELL THE CHILDREN
• Do not give out too much information at once.
• Limit initial discussions to the most important and most immediate issues:
• Tell them their basic needs will be met – meals, help with homework, tucking them in at night
• Tell them their relationship with both parents will continue (if this is true).
• When there are going to be several changes, emphasize what will stay the same.
• Give reassurance with words and actions that parental love will continue even though there will be changes in family routine.
• Emphasize that the divorce is final – avoid giving false hopes of reconciliation.
• Emphasize that the divorce is not the fault of the children. The reassurance will need to be repeated over time.
• Ask the children about their fears and worries.
• Listen to the fears and worries of the children – really listen!
• Acknowledge the impact of the divorce on the children’s lives.
Divorce & Family Changes - Karen Griffith Resources
Karen Griffith is a professional school counselor in Duluth, GA (and previously worked right here in Rockdale County). She shared this list at the GSCA Fall Conference in 2006 (Georgia School Counselor Assoc.). She has lots of wisdom and was named one of the 10 finalists for ASCA's prestigious award of 2009 School Counselor of the Year.
Resources for Changing Families
Books for Adults
Resources for Changing Families
Books for Adults
Changing Families: A Guide for Kids and Grownups by Fassler; Waterfront Books, 1988
For the Sake of the Children by Kline and Pew; Prima Publishing, 1992
Helping Children Cope with Divorce by Edward Teyber; Jossey-Bass, Inc., 1992
Kids are Non Divorceable (workbook) by Bonkowski; ACTA Publishers, 1987
Make It as a Stepparent by Berman; Harper Perennial, 1986
Surviving the Break Up: How Children and Parents Cope with Divorce by Basic Books, 1990
The Parents’ Book About Divorce by Gardner; Bantam Books, 1991
Books for Adults to Use with Children
All About Divorce by Mary Blitzer Field; Center for Applied Psychology
All Kinds of Families by Simon; Whitman and Co. 1976
Dinosaur’s Divorce by Brown and Brown; Little Brown and Co., 1986
Families are Different by Nina Pellegrini; Scholastic, 1991
How It Feels When Parents Divorce by Jill Krementz; 1984
Let’s Talk About It: Divorce by Fred Rogers; GP Putnam’ Sons, 1996
Mommy an Daddy are Fighting by Paris; Center for Applied Psychology
My Mom and Dad Are Getting a Divorce by Florence Bienenfeld; EMC Corporation, 1980
My Mother’s House, My Father’s House by C. B. Christiansen; Puffin Books, 1990
My Wicked Stepmother by Leach and Browne; MacMillan, 1992
When Mom and Dad Separate by Marge Heegaard; Woodland Press, 1991
When Your Parents Get a Divorce: A Kid’s Journal by Ann Banks, Puffin Books, 1990
Where Has Daddy Gone? By Trudy Osman; Ideals Children’s Books, 1989
Why are We Getting a Divorce? By Peter Mayle; Harmony Books, 1988
Agencies for Parent Support
Resource Center on Child Protection and Custody in Domestic Violence Situations
PO Box 8970
Reno, NV 89507
(800) 527 – 3223
Single Parent Resource Center
141 W 28th Street #302
New York, NY 10001
(212) 951-7030
Joint Custody Association
10606 Wilkins Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90024
(310) 475 – 5352
National Fathers Network Kindering Center
16120 NE 8th Street
Bellevue, WA 98009-3937
(206) 747 – 4004
Children At Risk Today
Self Help Improvement
Why Won't They JUST TRY?
It can bee very frustrating for adults when students don't seem to care about school. It is like we have run into a wall and have no idea how to get around it. We may feel helpless and hopeless. I often hear things like, "I don't understand WHY my child won't just do this..." Sound familiar?
Dr. Gene Eakin taught me a lot this summer about this common problem when I attended the ASCA Conference in Dallas (American School Counselor Assoc.). Adults sometimes label children "lazy" when there is really much more going on. There is a reason for the way we all act, and it isn't always obvious to those around us (or even ourselves). Here are some ideas Dr. Eakin shared that I think can help us understand children (and adults!). With that knowledge and understanding, we can hopefully find a way to help students when their motivation or work ethic is struggling. No two individuals are the same, but I think these ideas apply to many, if not all of us. The below ideas were presented by Dr. Eakin and summarize some the work/ideas of Carol Dweck.
How Does Failing Impact Motivation?
- If a person fails and they think it is because they are NOT ABLE to do that thing, then he/she can develop "learned helplessness." He/she may think, "I do not have what it takes so why try.” This type of thinking can be a real obstacle and lead to a person giving up, withdrawing or putting attention on other tasks that they feel successful in (like talking on the phone, playing video games, other subjects, etc.).
- If a person fails and they think it is because the task/goal is very difficult, then he/she may think "I need to try harder" and/or "I need to try a different approach/strategy.” This tends to develop a strong sense of ability ("mastery orientation") and improves motivation.
- If a person thinks their success is a result of their ability and/or effort, this leads to a strong sense of ability ("mastery orientation") which motivates them to keep at it. The main idea here is that he/she may be thinking, "The harder I work, the smarter I get." He/she sees that their effort makes a difference and naturally wants to do more to get that thrill of "I did it!"
- If a person thinks his/her success is because of luck, fate or kindness or others, then a "mastery" orientation is NOT developed. His/her sense of ability will probably not improve. A sense of "learned helplessness" can continue because he/she thinks their effort has nothing to do with his/her success, so "Why try?"
If you think that your child has a strong sense of learned helplessness, it is extremely important for the adults around him/her to watch carefully and point out when they achieve (no matter how small we think the task is). Pep talks have their place, but lecturing often doesn't help when a child really does not believe that they are able to succeed. Simply saying "You did it!" or "Great job" in an enthusiastic and decisive tone goes a long, long way. Afterall, what would each of us want to hear from our boss when we've accomplished something that was difficult or took more than one try? A 5 minute reflection on our shortcomings and then, "Way to go"....or "This was a difficult job and you really gave it your all. Great work."
It is true that children are NOT little adults, but we share many things in common and I think senses of pride and shame are among them.
Improving Student Motivation
I attended a wonderful seminar on improving intrinsic motivation in students. Intrinsic = internal...so think of students who want to succeed out of desire (rather than treats and rewards which are extrinsic, or EXternal). External rewards are good (adults love paychecks!), but we also want to develop our internal drive for success since this is more sustained in the long run, enhances a sense of satisfaction, and leads to more success.
The following information was shared with me by Dr. Gene Eakin, who is a professor at Oregon State University. He made MANY good points...one of which was that internal motivation is a LEARNED SKILL. Knowing how to motivate yourself is something that some people naturally have...but most of us need to practice strategies to help ourselves improve in this area.
Below is a "vocabulary list for achievement." Language is powerful - many of us easily remember the Little Engine That Could ("I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..."). Even elementary students can learn 'advanced' words if we teach them what those 'fancy words' mean. I hope you can let this list inspire you to use some words that don't always automatically show up as we talk with students. I think using these words and teaching them to kids will not only improve their vocabulary and writing, but also their determination and motivation.
Please see me if you have more questions on how to motivate students. Lecturing often doesn't bring the change we want and there is usually more we can do even when we think it is hopeless!
Language of Achievement
(Source: Dr. Gene Eakin, Oregon State University)
I have dreams I want to accomplish:
I am confident:
I know how to motivate myself:
I take responsibility & set goals:
I take responsibility & make commitments:
I am resilient:
I know resources & who supports me & I know when/how to ask for help/support:
I achieve my goals:
I take pride in effort and accomplishment:
I know how to attribute success and failure:
The following information was shared with me by Dr. Gene Eakin, who is a professor at Oregon State University. He made MANY good points...one of which was that internal motivation is a LEARNED SKILL. Knowing how to motivate yourself is something that some people naturally have...but most of us need to practice strategies to help ourselves improve in this area.
Below is a "vocabulary list for achievement." Language is powerful - many of us easily remember the Little Engine That Could ("I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..."). Even elementary students can learn 'advanced' words if we teach them what those 'fancy words' mean. I hope you can let this list inspire you to use some words that don't always automatically show up as we talk with students. I think using these words and teaching them to kids will not only improve their vocabulary and writing, but also their determination and motivation.
Please see me if you have more questions on how to motivate students. Lecturing often doesn't bring the change we want and there is usually more we can do even when we think it is hopeless!
Language of Achievement
(Source: Dr. Gene Eakin, Oregon State University)
I have dreams I want to accomplish:
- dream
- values
- ambitions
- intention
- vision
- aspirations
- desires
- assets
- strengths
- qualities
- characteristics
- resources
- ability
- talent
- aptitude
- competence
- skill
- learning style
- VALUES
I am confident:
- confident
- can
- do
- believe
- hopeful
- sure
- positive
- optimistic
- certain
I know how to motivate myself:
- motivate
- inspire
- encourage
- hearten
- uplift
- strengthen
- fortify
- power
I take responsibility & set goals:
- goal
- objective
- aim
- intention
- purpose
- target
- aspiration
I take responsibility & make commitments:
- commit
- pledge
- assure
- give my word
- promise
- guarantee
I am resilient:
- persevere
- do not give up
- bounce back
- persist
- continue
- keep on trying
- overcome adversity
- self-reliant
- discouraged but not defeated
I know resources & who supports me & I know when/how to ask for help/support:
- resources
- friends
- mentors
- teachers
- help
- parents
- advocates
- Church/youth group
I achieve my goals:
- accomplish
- strive
- do your best
- endeavor
- attempt
- succeed
- make every effort
- extend yourself
- do my utmost effort
I take pride in effort and accomplishment:
- self-respect
- pride
- satisfaction
- fulfillment
- contentment
- happiness
- self-esteem
- self-respect
I know how to attribute success and failure:
- internal
- external
- try harder
- try smarter
- self-fulfilling prophecy & the power of thought
Mentoring for Children with Incarcerated Parents
I just learned about this program through the American School Counselor Association.
Caregiver's Choice is a nationwide initiative that helps connect adult mentors to children with a parent in a state or federal prison. They offer a $1,000 voucher which is like a scholarship for mentoring so parents/guardians can access this support for students. Visit www.mentoring.org for more information.
To enroll a child, call 877-333-2463 or go to:
www.mentoring.org/find_resources/caregiverschoice (see "Enroll A Child" on right side of screen)
Caregiver's Choice is a nationwide initiative that helps connect adult mentors to children with a parent in a state or federal prison. They offer a $1,000 voucher which is like a scholarship for mentoring so parents/guardians can access this support for students. Visit www.mentoring.org for more information.
To enroll a child, call 877-333-2463 or go to:
www.mentoring.org/find_resources/caregiverschoice (see "Enroll A Child" on right side of screen)
Welcome!
Welcome to a New Year!
As the school counselor at Hightower Trail, adults and childrens ask me all kinds of questions. I am starting this blog to help get out information that can help us with common life situations. The sky is the limit!
I will continue to send out information in the paper edition of the Counselor's Corner and other HTE publications. However, I will be able to share more information here since space and paper aren't a factor!
Thanks for checking my blog!
Feel free to email or call me with topics you want to know more about, comments or questions. I look forward to hearing from you!
aperry@rockdale.k12.ga.us
As the school counselor at Hightower Trail, adults and childrens ask me all kinds of questions. I am starting this blog to help get out information that can help us with common life situations. The sky is the limit!
I will continue to send out information in the paper edition of the Counselor's Corner and other HTE publications. However, I will be able to share more information here since space and paper aren't a factor!
Thanks for checking my blog!
Feel free to email or call me with topics you want to know more about, comments or questions. I look forward to hearing from you!
aperry@rockdale.k12.ga.us
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)