Why Won't They JUST TRY?

It can bee very frustrating for adults when students don't seem to care about school. It is like we have run into a wall and have no idea how to get around it. We may feel helpless and hopeless. I often hear things like, "I don't understand WHY my child won't just do this..." Sound familiar?

Dr. Gene Eakin taught me a lot this summer about this common problem when I attended the ASCA Conference in Dallas (American School Counselor Assoc.). Adults sometimes label children "lazy" when there is really much more going on. There is a reason for the way we all act, and it isn't always obvious to those around us (or even ourselves). Here are some ideas Dr. Eakin shared that I think can help us understand children (and adults!). With that knowledge and understanding, we can hopefully find a way to help students when their motivation or work ethic is struggling. No two individuals are the same, but I think these ideas apply to many, if not all of us. The below ideas were presented by Dr. Eakin and summarize some the work/ideas of Carol Dweck.


How Does Failing Impact Motivation?

• If a person fails and they think it is because they are NOT ABLE to do that thing, then he/she can develop "learned helplessness." He/she may think, "I do not have what it takes so why try.” This type of thinking can be a real obstacle and lead to a person giving up, withdrawing or putting attention on other tasks that they feel successful in (like talking on the phone, playing video games, other subjects, etc.).
  
• If a person fails and they think it is because the task/goal is very difficult, then he/she may think "I need to try harder" and/or "I need to try a different approach/strategy.” This tends to develop a strong sense of ability ("mastery orientation") and improves motivation.

How Does Success Impact Motivation?

• If a person thinks their success is a result of their ability and/or effort, this leads to a strong sense of ability ("mastery orientation") which motivates them to keep at it. The main idea here is that he/she may be thinking, "The harder I work, the smarter I get." He/she sees that their effort makes a difference and naturally wants to do more to get that thrill of "I did it!"
  
• If a person thinks his/her success is because of luck, fate or kindness or others, then a "mastery" orientation is NOT developed. His/her sense of ability will probably not improve. A sense of "learned helplessness" can continue because he/she thinks their effort has nothing to do with his/her success, so "Why try?"
  

The main danger in all of this is that learned helplessness can become a "self-fulfilling prophecy." Self-fulfilling prophecies are those beliefs we think are so true that they become true without us realizing that we are the force that is making it happen.

If you think that your child has a strong sense of learned helplessness, it is extremely important for the adults around him/her to watch carefully and point out when they achieve (no matter how small we think the task is). Pep talks have their place, but lecturing often doesn't help when a child really does not believe that they are able to succeed. Simply saying "You did it!" or "Great job" in an enthusiastic and decisive tone goes a long, long way. Afterall, what would each of us want to hear from our boss when we've accomplished something that was difficult or took more than one try? A 5 minute reflection on our shortcomings and then, "Way to go"....or "This was a difficult job and you really gave it your all. Great work."

It is true that children are NOT little adults, but we share many things in common and I think senses of pride and shame are among them.